Who is the uninvited guest? Do you ever feel like it’s you? Have you ever felt left out or like you don’t belong? We all have, yet many of us don’t realize we aren’t the only ones who feel this way. We are swimming in a sea full of people who don’t see each other and think they are all alone when we are actually all going through the same thing together.
Sometimes we are the ones who leave others out. Sometimes we push away uninvited guests inside of us such as unwanted feelings or thoughts. Sometimes we fight against ourselves, behaving in certain ways that we wish we wouldn’t.
How can we handle these situations? What do we do or say when we find ourselves being ignored, pushed away, or otherwise treated badly? What do we do when something or someone enters our life that we don’t want to be there?
There are some who would say that these unwanted guests are our shadows. When something or someone bothers us and evokes a strong reaction from us, that is usually a sign that something inside of us is responding. The trick is simply to notice, inquire, and learn more about what is going on when you find yourself in a strong reaction. This is how we shine a light on ourselves so what was once dark and scary can become known and understood, no longer our enemy.
Is it OK to want to push things or people away and not want to invite them into your life? Is it OK when others do this to you? I can only speak for myself.
I do not always or often have the insight in the moment when I am feeling strongly about something or someone. Sometimes I am able to recognize that I’ve just had a strong response and can take a little time to learn more about it. I just ask questions and wait to see what answers come back to me. I don’t force it or overthink it, and I stay open to what is there to discover.
The information I usually get back is something about me rather than that other thing or person. For example, I recall getting very angry recently when someone ignored me at a party. I realized that this was tied to a bunch of other times starting in childhood when I felt ignored or neglected. That child part of me still feels hurt about those times and needs to be paid attention to and healed. Just knowing this will help me the next time I find myself getting angry about being ignored. I know it is a trigger for me and I know it stems from something in my past. I don’t have to feel quite so threatened in the moment now that I have this information.
In the same way that my strong reactions to others really stem from my personal experiences and have very little to do with the other person, the same goes for when others have reactions towards me. I don’t have to take their response toward me so personally when I remember that it really doesn’t have much to do with me at all.
I have spent a lot of time trying to convince other people to like me when they just don’t. This only takes time and energy away from spending it on people who naturally want to be with me and care about me. Letting go of the people who don’t want me allows space for me to discover all the ones who are happy to have me in their lives. Then, I don’t have to feel so unwanted most of the time. It turns out, people for the most part want to be connected.
In the same way that my pushing away of others is really a pushing away of something inside of me that I am not ready to accept, when others push me away or don’t see my worth it is really something inside of them that they are rejecting, not me.
I hope this way of looking at things can be helpful for you if you find yourself rejected or rejecting. It’s OK, we all do it sometimes. It is part of our survival to judge and make decisions about things. But, sometimes we get confused. It is worthwhile to take another look and increase our awareness about what is really going on. Start by just noticing and asking some questions. Wait and see what answers come back to you, and be open to whatever the truth may be.