“It was not the feeling of completeness I so needed, but the feeling of not being empty.” -Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated
The next of the five hindrances is called Sloth, but I prefer to think of it as disconnection. This one has to do with falling asleep either literally or figuratively and missing what’s really going on. All of us have times when we check out or dissociate. Think about times you arrive somewhere but don’t really have a clear sense of how you got there. We can easily be overtaken by the lull of sleep, but sleep in this case can mean not paying attention or disconnecting from other people and the world.
I myself have a few mindless activities I can get sucked into and notice too late that I’ve squandered half a day on things I don’t remember. Examples of these types of activities can include binge-watching Netflix, playing video games, actually sleeping, mindless eating, gambling, using drugs or alcohol, spacing out or dissociating, or anything where we are not paying very much attention and are letting the world go by.
There are a few items on the list that were on the list for the second hindrance, desire. This is because things that are addictive are often pleasurable because they allow us to check out for a certain period of time. We anesthetize ourselves from pain and this can become very hard to stop doing once it becomes a habit. The quality of being anesthetized is this third hindrance and the quality of wanting and seeking out things (including things that allow us to be anesthetized) is the second hindrance. Think of it as being under the influence of something versus wanting to be under the influence of something.
When our lives are difficult and painful, it makes sense that we would want to find an escape. The more primitive parts of our brains will have us try to latch on to the first thing that looks like it could help us feel better. But, the first thing is often not the best thing. In fact, a lot of times we end up experiencing worse consequences when we go for an easy fix than if we wait out the pain and do nothing for a little while.
This is easier said than done, but it is not impossible. If we get in touch with our values and what really matters to us, it can help us get up the energy and courage to make difficult changes to our lives. We may think and feel like we should give up, that our dreams are impossible and not worth fighting for. Connection can make all the difference, and when we are feeling isolated and alone it is very easy to miss connections that are available to us.
We cannot choose the family we are born into, and for many of us, those families of origin are not a space for us to feel whole or connected. But, as we grow into adulthood, we can choose the people we want to spend time with. We can find our tribe. This doesn’t always happen easily. Sometimes trying to connect with people is too much for us and connecting with other animals works better. For some of us, we feel connected by performing or creating art of some kind. Some of us are very physical beings and can feel connected through sports, exercise, or some type of physical activity. Many of us feel more connected when we are in a quiet place of nature. Working with a therapist can be a great way to feel connected to someone else and also to feel more integrated and whole in yourself. Be creative and persistent in looking for connections and you can find them eventually.